Thursday, January 13, 2011

My big fat weight loss journey

My husband and I have recently started a local Biggest Loser program. We are required to attend weekly meetings that involve weigh ins, measurements, lectures, workouts and Bible studies. Through all this, I'm learning that I have to stop letting food manage my feelings. I used to be bored, sad, happy...etc. and would treat that with food. Normally that included a 9x13 casserole dish. Now I have to walk away from my addiction to comfort food and actually deal with my feelings. It sucks!

Over the last 10 years of marriage I have gone from 142 lbs to 256 lbs. Through three pregnancies, a miscarriage, two healthy births and 6 months of bedrest, I have not put diet and exercise at the top of my list. I consoled myself with food with our lost pregnancy. Then I celebrated the next pregnancy by eating more food. I celebrated her birth with food...same with the next child. I woke up one day and couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I've never been the gorgeous prom queen type, but I think I used to at least pass for super cute. I turned into a mom blob of mass proportions and it sucked.

Why is it that moms think they can give all of themselves to their families and still have any energy left over for themselves? The answer simply is that they can't. Their tank is empty after giving it all to everyone else and they are the ones that suffer.

I'm learning that all my MIL issues over the years was medicated with food. I'm just now realizing that I need to sit down and tell her how I have felt all these years. I hope that it will heal our relationship. If not, then I'll have done my best to make it right.

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